Serendipity, synchronicity & being here now

Painting in Sonoma, Calif.

Let me set the scene: Girlfriend and I were in the car on our way to San Francisco to see Acid Test, a play about Ram Dass, the spiritual teacher responsible for the mantra, Be Here Now, back in the 1960s.

Be here now is such good advice, especially for me, since I tend to live in the past, the future, anywhere but now. Not that I'd listen to it. But still, I recognize its wisdom.

We were off to grab a quick lunch and trip back to our college years, when Ram Dass  and his colleague, Timothy Leary, were the thing.

It would help to rewind for a moment:  girlfriend and I are relatively new friends. I'd put a group of neighborhood women I'd never met together for a theatre event last year. At lunch, I'd changed seats so a couple of latecomers could be together, and ended up next to Girlfriend, whom I'd never met.

"You look so familiar," I said.
"You, too," she said.
We went through the usual questions: Where did you work? Did you ever live in...? 
Finally, I asked:  "Did you happen to go to Syracuse University?"
"YES! "she exclaimed.
"Did you live in Barclay dorm?"" I asked
YES!" she said.
"When?" I asked.

That's right.  We'd lived in the same dorm, briefly, in 1970-1971. There we were, more than 40 years and 3,000 miles later (not to mention many, many life experiences later) sitting together in a San Francisco restaurant.

We didn't know each other at Syracuse, but something that day told me that I'd seen her before, albeit when we were much younger. Now, it turned out, she lived just about a mile from me.

It was serendipitous: a happy coincidence, because as our new friendship has developed over the past months, it's as if we've known each other all our lives.

And in a way, we have.

So back to our drive to see the play about Ram Dass, just a few days ago.

We caught up on the events of our individual weeks and she told me she'd had a yen to reconnect with people she'd worked with after college in Rochester, NY, which happens to be my hometown, and had talked with them by phone that week.

"So, I was on the phone with Bill and told him I was looking for Kevin Grimm, did he have a number..." she began relating her story, but I interrupted.

"Who were you looking for?" I asked.

"Kevin Grimm." (not his real name)

My eyes widened.  "I know Kevin Grimm. I went to school with him."

She practically ran her car off the road.

Now, Kevin's real name is fairly unusual, so I was sure he was the same one I knew. She wasn't convinced. But he had a distinctive physical characteristic and affect. I asked her to describe them.

 Yep, he was the one.

When we got to the city, she sent Kevin a quick email from her phone:

I'm sitting here with a woman who says she knows you. Her name is Carol Cassara, she typed.

As we dug into our tapas, her phone pinged.

This is true, the message read. And she was a hell of a square dancer back in 1962.

Yes, in elementary school, we'd been square dancing partners.  I hadn't thought of that in decades. In fact, I hadn't square danced since I was forced to back then.

Square dancing. I mean, really. Square dancing???

Later, I sent him email:

It's a small damn world, it read.


 Indeed, he responded, and added this Youtube link, avideo of old people square dancing, which made me laugh. Because, in fact, we are now "old people."

video


So: was it just serendipity, a happy accident?

Or Carl Jung's synchronicity at work--the concept of events happening that are grouped together by meaning.  And if it's synchronicity, what is the meaning?

Because it's the second "coincidence:" when I met Girlfriend, it was because I had changed seats at lunch. We might never have discovered one another if I hadn't.

At lunch, we raised our frosty glasses of beer and toasted to both.

Life wraps around itself in a strange infinite loop, sometimes, and I'm still reeling (if you'll forgive the pun, you know, Virginia Reel, square dancing?) from this latest proof of it.

At the same time, it's clear that if I hadn't been in the moment, back when I sat down next to Girlfriend that first time, if I hadn't remarked on that feeling of familiarity, if we hadn't begun a conversation, we might never have discovered our connection and begun the very fun friendship we now have.

Be here now.  Yes, really, really good advice.

Thanks, Baba Ram Dass.